karma yoga

SO I put in my two weeks notice today. I mean I tried to. I asked my boss if he had a minute, he told me to come in and shut the door, and as soon as I had I began to weep. He's a pretty no nonsense, bristly, scary kind of guy and he's definitely brought me to tears before with his rude and condescending ways, but today was different. I was spontaneously weeping tears of joy and relief. This was a conversation I'd been putting off for a couple weeks and I was scared and excited and so ready to let it all out. He handed me a box of tissues and motioned me to sit down, and as I did so I just said, "K., I gotta go. This is my notice. I've been called to something higher, I can't explain it better yet, really, but I gotta go. It's like I'm holding a light and I can't keep it in any more. Like... you know that huge quiet voice that only catches you when you sit still? I know I'm supposed to do bigger things," all this while smiling and crying and shrugging in the small office in the back room of a book store in the middle of a busy day. And then he surprised me. I was so sure he'd be angry, or irritated, or anything but what he was, which was calm and understanding and graceful. We talked a bit, he asked about my plans ("um.... like a service organization maybe... or like local opportunities for action.... I dunno.... um... I wanna serve...?") and in the end he said this: "OK, how 'bout we say this: you came to me with this decision as soon as you knew you were ready to go, but you still need a job until your opportunity comes along. So now I know, and we can talk about it again two weeks before you leave for real." And so it goes. I gave my notice and I'm on my way out, even if I am kind of dragging my feet. 

What's crazy about the whole thing is that I really love my job. I work full time, I get full benefits and bonuses and holidays and sick days and the whole thing. I love the people I work with and the people that come into the store. I love my city and I love my drive to work. I love my hours (especially the one where I'm paid to eat lunch). I am comfy and cushy and have plenty of room for advancement in the company. For a minute I thought maybe I'd arrived, like I could do this for real. 

But something changed. My best friend, my older brother, told me about the law of attraction and I saw it working in my life. And once I saw that power was there I was able to put it to use to my advantage very quickly and very easily. Basically, the law says "Like attracts like". We're talking magnets, waves, gravity: some cosmic shit. But we're also talking some microcosmic shit. Every human being resonates on a frequency that can be scientifically measured, and these frequencies change and shift at the will of our consciousness. We are all like little radio towers sending out signals all the time, and the law of attraction says whatever we send out comes back to us, like a magnet. Big picture, this means we are more masters of our universe than most of us ever thought. But this is just the beginning. YOU GUYS: I have so much to tell you!

So I've been following this white rabbit into myself and now I see the interconnectedness of everything. At least, I've glimpsed it. I mean, I can picture it, any way. And now that I know and can really feel and appreciate that you are me and I am you and he is she and we are all together I'm standing on the edge of this huge canyon screaming "LOVE!" into it and little by little but more and more it's coming back to me "love love Love LOve LOVe LOVE!!!" and that's the best I can describe it right now. 

And for once I'm not high, and I haven't been drinking, and I'm not in the corner with you at a party blowing your mind with some stuff that doesn't read by the light of day. I'M WIDE AWAKE, IT'S MORNING and I'm bringing you bitches with me on this trip. I'm reading and I'm meditating and I'm thinking and I'm talking to people and I'm 'bout to figure some REAL shit out. I feel this insatiable drive to shake everyone around me and scream in their stunned and sleepy faces "You see how beautiful??!! You see how easy life is??!! You see?? You see??" And what's cool is that I have that power. I mean, I'm starting today, right now. It's that easy. So here's your first alarm to ring in the new morning of a new day of a new us without them. Feel free to hit the snooze button as many times as you want, but I have a feeling you'll be back to see how this little experiment of my life comes along. I have a feeling that something about this whole thing has got you a little hooked. I have a feeling we're all in this together. 

Can't Stop Reading: A Message to Garcia, by Elbert Hubbard; Compassion in Action: Setting Out on the Path of Service, by Ram Dass and Mirabai Bush; The Power, by Rhonda Byrne

Can't Stop Singing: Day to Day Living, by Ashes of Babylon